Vampire Mating Thread

Okay, I'm just stealing Cocoa's first post off of the lex:

Cocoa wrote:

A review of the guidlines.

-We are a PG-13 site. there is to be no graphic posts of any kind. Be sensitive yo our underage users. We use innuendo (i.e. baking, cookies, muffins).

- Vampire men are just that...MEN in every way, anitomically correct in functionality. They aren't Ken Dolls, they are fully functioning men, with all the right parts, in all the right places, that have all the right reactions.

-All vulgar posts will be deleted without warning. This was a MAJOR issue on the last thread.

-Please do not post pictures, only links to pictures. And all links must be appropriate for the PG13 rating.

-Vampres can NOT get pregnant, they are steryl. But that doesn't mean they can't bake.

-Venum is what keeps the ballon inflated.

-Skits are allowed as long as they comply with the above guidelines.

-Please do not ignor serious discussion topics, they have a place on this thread too.

Post with decorum. Just because you think its funny doesn't mean its appropriate. This too was a major issue on the last thread, lets not repeat it.

I would put in the VMT links to the other threads but she doesn't have the right one's since they switched servers. But here's the thread that's on right now: Vampire Mating Thread Take 8

I don't know if you guys know all the terms or not but I'm sure some people do. Ash, don't you know them? I thought you were a VMT queen, too.

I thought this would be a fun thread because they don't like to repeat things over there and I came in on the seventh one, so I missed A LOT.

Baking with the Cullens! Haha, it's soo funny.

Let's see... over on the lex they do things like sex ed at Forks High with Carlisle, truth or dare, and guess it skits. And then they may discuss the worst place to bake or the weirdest place they've ever done it. That kind of thing.

xox.tegan.xox wrote:

Hm, how about Sex Ed with Emmett?

Haha, well Emmett does have a thing for bananas! Well, how about Carlisle can teach it [since he is a doctor] and Emmett can just have fun with it. I'll see if I can start...

*Cullen's at lunch*
Alice: Oh, no. Oh, please no!
Jasper: What is it, Alice?
Alice: I just saw something that's going to happen. I don't think we're going to like it...
Edward: *reads mind* Crap.
Emmett: What is it?
Edward: You'll find out.

*announcements*
Principal: Will all Juniors and Seniors report to the gym for sex ed.
Bella: This should be interesting...
Alice: Yeah, especially since Carlisle is teaching it.
Bella: What? He's going to be my father-in-law!
Rosalie: Yeah, well he's technically our father!
Edward: He has a lot of bananas with him.
Cullens: *grown*
Emmett: Bananas?
Rosalie: Shut up.

*In gym*
Carlisle: Hello, everyone. I hope you are doing great today. *holds up, er, protection, if you will. I don't remember the name for it. Does anyone else?* Does anyone know what this is?
Jasper: Oh, God.
Rosalie: Haha, look at Newton. I bet he has no clue.
Mike: :scratch:

Continue!

Rosalie: Emmett, how the hell do you not know how babies are made?
Emmett: Oh, I know, but I like to hear about it.
Edward: I don't think Mike knows, though.
Cullen's and Bella: *snicker*
Mike: I'm still confused... :scratch:
Carlisle: Oh, dear God.

Rosalie: Omigod you guys are allllll rediculous!
Emmett: *Whines* Awe Rosie c'mon tell us! It'll be funn!
Bella: Oh wow..You've got to be joking...
Rosalie: NO EMMETT! And don't ever call me Rosie again or I will have to kill you.
Mike: I DON'T GET IT!!!!!
Edward: Don't look at me! I'm not telling OR showing you...
Bella: Eww, Mike don't even think of trying it with me
Mike: I-I-I wasn't!
Edward: *growls*
Mike: Okay okay, I was! *cowers* don't hurt me!

Continue!

Banana*Bear wrote:

Rosalie: Omigod you guys are allllll rediculous!
Emmett: *Whines* Awe Rosie c'mon tell us! It'll be funn!
Bella: Oh wow..You've got to be joking...
Rosalie: NO EMMETT! And don't ever call me Rosie again or I will have to kill you.
Mike: I DON'T GET IT!!!!!
Edward: Don't look at me! I'm not telling OR showing you...
Bella: Eww, Mike don't even think of trying it with me
Mike: I-I-I wasn't!
Edward: *growls*
Mike: Okay okay, I was! *cowers* don't hurt me!

Continue!

Edward: the sad part is that he was thinking about it with Jacob...
Bella: can't say i'm surprised!
Carlisle: anymore Questions?
*mike raises hand*
Edward: oh dear lord, no.
*Mike raises hand higher*
Carlisle are you sure? no more questions?
Mike: hey! i have one!
Carlisle: *to self* oh dear lord. *louder* um yes mike?

what should mikes question be? and i'm sorry if that made no since!

Omg this is kinda awkward...but funny all the same. So...yeah.

Carlisle: Hey guys...we should like...get back on topic.
*no response*
Carlisle: Hey guys!
*kissing continues*
Carlisle: HEY! WOULD YOU GUYS QUIT SUCKING FACE AND LISTEN!
Everyone:
Edward: Wow Carlisle. I didn't know you had it in you.
Carlisle: Me either...
Mike: I like masturbation.
Everyone: *slaps forehead*

Wow okay. People think of some really scary things...*coughcough* Mike's song *coughcough* Not that it wasn't hilarious. It was...and now my mom is kinda alarmed at what I'm doing on the internet...

Carlisle: Okay Mike...that was...great...
Edward: I say we kick Figgy out.
Mike: My name's Mike!
Edward: Whatever. Can we kick out barney boy? Please?
Carlisle: No Edward, we can't. Everyone is entitled to an education.
Jessica: I liked your song Mike. It was really...erm...great!
Mike:*staring at Bella...or is it Edward?* What? Oh yeah. Pretty great huh?
Jessica: Yeah.
Carlisle: So...any more questions?
Mike: Do we get any demonstrations of these concepts?
Carlisle: Um...no.
Mike: Rats.

Omg so gross and so funny!

Edward: Carlisle! You can't honestly be considering giving them a demonstration. Of baking? Seriously.
Carlisle: Right. Temporary insanity, sorry.
Mike: Fine then. If you won't give me a demonstration I'm leaving.
Edward: Yes! Figgy is leaving!
Bella: See ya Fig.
Mike: Wait you guys are okay with that???
Edward: Duh
Mike: Oh. I only said that so you'd give me a demonstration. There's NO WAY I'm leaving.
Everyone: Rats.
Mike: So if there's no demonstration I'm going to write a new song.
Carlisle: Please God no!
Mike: I'm going....

Sorry, I don't have another song for him. Somebody should write one, the barney one was hilarious!

Did I leave a bad ending? Nobody's updated in days...sorry. So I'm just going to put in a classic then...more barney humor. We should make him show up.

Mike: Okay I got it! Listen.
Everyone: Oh god no.
Mike: I hate you
You hate me
We're a bloodthirsty family
With a great big kick
And a smack from me to you
Won't you say
You hate me too!!!
Everyone:
*suddenly Barney appears*
Barney: Hiya kids! I hear you just sang my song all wrong! That rhymes! But I'm afraid I'm going to have to inform you that you just infringed on my copyright!
Everyone:

So there. Hopefully someone else can add on now.

Carlisle: What about Esme? Will you take her?
Barney: I love her, she loves me...
Edward: Carlisle!
Bella: Ugh! You perv!!!
Mike: Bella, want to go out back...?
Bella: *slap*

At first i have to say something: AMERICANS ARE STRANGE! WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYONE CONNECT BREAD/CAKES/COOKIES WITH SEX??? *calms down* ok. sorry about that. but this expression really bothers me.

Rosalie: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT? I'LL TELL ESME! *takes out phone*
everyone:
carlisle: noooooo!!! please not!!!
Rosalie: Why not?
carlisle: uhm, because i'm your father..?
Rosalie: that's no good reason. AND...
Edward: *mumurs* omg, a ticking-off...
Rosalie: ...honesty is very important in every relationship! Actually it is the most important thing. *stands up and paces up and down in front of the class* *watches class* *sees Ben and Angela making out on the floor* MISS WEBER!
Angela: *looks up* yes?
Rosalie: STAND UP!!
angela: *jumps up* yes ma'am.
Rosalie: WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A RELATIONSHIP?
angela: uhm... sex...?


continue please.